


Humanity

by Alyss_Liebert



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Basically, Dark Continent Arc, I translated a Leopika ff of mine, M/M, Spoilers, Unresolved Sexual Tension, What-If, originally written in Italian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 11:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17600570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyss_Liebert/pseuds/Alyss_Liebert
Summary: He was constantly feeling trapped in a cage, gripped by his own insecurities.The more he tried to react, the more his enemies’ tricks burdened him.Every day he was fighting alone against his own demons; every day he was losing a scrap of his dignity.He needed certainties, a reason to live.He wished to discover his natural weaknesses again, his solidarity, his faith towards the others, his innocent frailties that distinguished him from a beast.He wanted to retrieve the humanity that had been taken away from his spirit a long time ago.Only Leorio could bring him out of his own pride’s prison; only Leorio could fill him with hope.“You don’t have to fight alone. You’re not made for this.”He would have never forgotten those words. He had sworn it for himself and those around him.





	Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Until now, I contributed to my OTP just in the Italian fandom. I’ve decided to translate into English all the Leopikas I’ve written so far and post them here. So Humanity is a ff of mine, originally written in Italian, that I decided to translate into English!  
> I wrote it (that was my very first Leopika ff) in 2015, after I became a Leopika shipper. So it’s a bit old, but I’m fond of it.  
> After writing Humanity, I began to put on paper a “truckload” of ffs about these two *laughs* that I’d like to bring here, little by little, hoping for them to be liked by who loves HxH and this couple.  
> This ff is set during the Dark Continent Arc, but before the official departure. If I remember well, at that time HxH’s latest chapter was no.349 (when Leorio and Kurapika had just been hired). I didn’t know anything about the rest; anyway, I wanted to write something about them during the delicate pre-departure moment. That setting inspired me a lot.  
> So… this is Humanity’s translation! I hope I did it well. Please, remember English is not my mother-tongue.  
> Have a nice reading!

His breath was laboured, his forehead soaked with sweat, his heart furious and swift.

Kurapika didn’t recall the moment he had started running, but he knew a lot of time had passed. His exhausted body made him perceive it; his mind suggested him to stop and catch his breath, but his worn-out legs forced him to proceed, since that would have implicated a bigger sensation of pain and the inability to move forward, overwhelmed by weariness.

The thick forest he was covering assumed darker and ghoulish shades as soon as the searing sun was about to set and give its way to the pale moon and the freezing night. Being submerged in that atmosphere caused him a deep anguish, and it pushed him to advance and not to look back, almost as if he was chased by a frightful creature or he was afraid of being absorbed in that place’s oblivion.

However, he was sure he was going the right way. Although he still couldn’t see something on the horizon that reminded him of his village’s ruins, he could smell, between a spasmodic breath and the other, an increasingly strong scent of smoke and burned materials, together with an unpleasant miasma of blood and combusted flesh.

In his mind, the picture of that newspaper’s page, dedicated to the Kurta clan’s massacre, was vivid. He remembered the newscasts and the most gossipy citizens discussing the event; those falsehoods about his family, given forth within an hour without the minimum discretion, disgusted him.

He didn’t want to believe it. He had to see it with his own eyes before any other humankind’s scum could burst into his beloved village, and investigate, and touch with their filthy hands something that belonged to him; and maybe steal it – just like the Phantom Troupe did with his companions’ scarlet eyes.

 

As soon as he blinked, he found himself kneeling on the ground; his hands were on the dry soil, his arms trembling. He gasped and coughed, unable to swallow. He felt his muscles heavy and numb; he kept his eyes down and saw the drops of his sweat fall in front of him. He watched the slight wounds on the backs of his hands, together with his dirty and creased clothes: he had even come across some narrow pathways, full of sharp shrubs and ditches.

When he managed to lift his head, he winced with a grimace of disgust. Bodies piled up without eyeballs were lying in front of the remains of small houses annihilated by the flames; some of them were tied up to huge poles nailed to the ground, and they still had expressions of terror and suffering imprinted on their faces.

Kurapika suddenly found himself standing around the multitude of mangled corpses; he noticed to his horror that many of them had been beheaded.

That vision was gruesome for a twelve-year-old child; nevertheless, he didn’t have the strength to scream or cry, and he kept watching the scenario with dismay. His disbelief and shock were probably so overwhelming that he couldn’t focus on the subsequent emotional reactions.

 

Suddenly, he heard a voice calling him. Its sound wasn’t very sharp, but it had a rather austere tone, and it came to Kurapika’s ears along with a gust of wind.

He turned his head to the left; he saw his father’s body emerging from the corpses, holding his mother’s in his arms. Both of them didn’t have eyeballs, but he stood with a serious face anyway, and aimed at his son – unlike her, who seemed completely lifeless.

«Father… mother…», Kurapika called them with trembling voice, hoping for their improbable survival.

«Why are you here?», the man asked. His voice was sharper now. «Why did you come back?»

The young boy tried to reply, but no sound came out of his mouth. It was as if his voice had muffled in his throat.

«It’s your fault», his father went on, frowning, «All of this happened because of you».

Kurapika felt astonished by hearing those words.

«Because of your arrogance, obstinacy, stubbornness…», this father listed. His gaze grew darker. «My son is the shame of the Kurta tribe».

Kurapika didn’t even have time to react that he saw a familiar corpse in front of him. His hands were tied behind his back, his head was missing; however, he immediately recognized who he was. That slim constitution, that crimson dress worn out and burned…

It was Pairo, his best friend. He didn’t survive either.

His body surrendered: he fell to his knees beside the cold and frail physique of his companion. He held it tight against his chest, in a vain desire of warming him or hearing him gasp, and that was when he started to hear his own voice again. He was sobbing. His vision became blurred by his own tears, that began to roll down his cheeks shortly afterwards.

He could no longer hold it back, and he burst into an anguished cry. He heard his own screams and suffering moans without being able to do anything to stop them; he kept embracing the remains of the one to whom had promised to live many adventures in the outside world, after he had cured his illness.

As he ventured, he heard his father’s stern voice penetrate his ears, causing him further distress.

«You don’t deserve to be here, not even to cry. You abandoned us with your rebellious manners, although I did forbid you to get close to those who discriminated us. You don’t deserve to get away with it».

His tone changed drastically, as if the one who was talking was no longer his parent.

«You don’t deserve to stay alive».

 

Everything around Kurapika turned black; Pairo’s body disappeared together with the surrounding environment. A dozen hands appeared from nowhere, grabbing and nailing him to the ground.

He felt weak and exhausted from crying; he couldn’t break free from that grip.

«You can’t stay unscathed».

That voice again. It was becoming more and more unpleasant to his ears. He was no longer sure that who was giving him the sermon was his real father.

A thrill shook him. There was someone above him watching him, but he couldn’t identify his face, perhaps because of too much darkness or his vision still veiled with tears.

A hand of that man went to caress his wet cheek.

«You have to suffer like your brothers. Your beautiful eyes can’t go unnoticed: they have a priceless value».

His thumb and index encircled the lids of his left eye, that became scarlet like the other one, spreading them.

When the man further approached his face to him, Kurapika recognized with horror the face of that massacre’s responsible: Chrollo Lucifer.

«That’s what I want to see: dismay, sorrow, miserable feelings of guilt». A mischievous smile creased Chrollo’s lips. «Now show me your agony».

«GET OFF ME!»

After that cry, he saw the man’s figure shatter like glass shards; then he rushed into the void.

It was as if his body had been suddenly immersed in a fluid substance that was slowing down the speed of his fall. He was drowning in that particular ether. That was a rather pleasant feeling.

«You don’t deserve to wear a Kurtas’ garment». Again, that voice resounded in his mind, but this time he didn’t bother to understand from whom it came. «You’ve even sold them, you bartered them, losing a part of your dignity».

 

He was back on his feet, always surrounded by the darkness; the only thing he could see in front of him was a crystal showcase that was just above his height, illuminated by some small lights at the edges.

Someone had placed the dress he had worn in Yorknew City inside of it; who was now wearing it was a headless mannequin. It seemed as if it was ready to be sold at an auction, and that gave him some discomfort.

Another gust of wind made him aware of the situation he was in: he was completely naked.

He was sure to be the only one in that place so bleak, but he felt uneasy because of the intense cold; that stiff breeze didn’t cease to blow and his body was freezing because of it.

Kurapika couldn’t hold the tremors back, and he instinctively shook in his arms. While observing himself, he noticed he had grown up. He was no longer the twelve-year-old child who was grieving for the loss of his companions: now he had the body of a teenager.

Without much surprise, he focused his attention on the need to get dressed. He reached out to touch the terse façade of the showcase, but he abruptly felt chains wrapping around him and moving him away from the object of his interest; the grip became more enforced at his wrists and ankles as Kurapika tried to break free.

He ended up being nailed against another surface, of which the dusky colour mingled with the darkness of that surreal dimension. He saw the figure of an imperceptible, succinctly dressed woman, who appeared next to the showcase – now far from its content’s owner –; as if it had been placed on a cart, she dragged it away from his sight and disappeared.

Right after, a scene materialized in front of him. He immediately recognized the situation: it was one of his recent memories.

He was in the living room of a wealthy man of malfeasance, who owned a pair of scarlet eyes. Contacting him and reaching to a peaceful agreement hadn’t been easy; Kurapika’s mastery at convincing had made it possible, but at a high price.

He was wearing an elegant black suit, and he was talking to that boss. The man had placed the glass case containing the eyeballs in a table next to them, while the young man was holding an envelope that contained his favourite Kurta’s dress, carefully folded.

An exchange was taking place.

Kurapika had had to read up to estimate the immense value of that dress, compared to the eyes’; he had made bogus paperwork for the man to believe that his previous boss had obtained it at an auction, and to prove the unmistakable authenticity of the garment without revealing any information about his true identity. Eventually, he had convinced him to accept the barter.

«Wonderful!», the boss had exclaimed, pulling the dress out of its wrap and admiring it in its entirety, «To say this is probably the only one that has been found intact among the rubble of that carnage!»

With his hands – responsible of sinful acts – he had caressed end explored it with a delighted expression.

«What a delicate fabric! It’s very different from those we seek to shape what we usually wear; this makes the garment even more precious», he had remarked, «It has kept such a pleasant scent…»

Kurapika had had a hard time trying to handle himself and not to betray the slightest manifestation of disgust. He would have preferred to die rather than observing that man rubbing and sniffing with enthusiasm what belonged to him.

«I’m not going to resell this splendour. That means it’s now my property and I can do whatever I want with it», the man went on, tensing the fabric several times as if he wanted to rip it up.

«I think it’s better if you carefully keep the dress away from prying eyes», Kurapika had been able to suggest with an apparently calm voice, while feeling a nasty grip in his stomach.

«Bullshit! If my wife wants, she can wear it for some important ceremony. Unfortunately, I’m too tall for its size. In any case, I’m not going to complain much, since the gown’s appearance doesn’t make it clear whether it belonged to a man or a woman. So yeah, it’s not a matter of “gender”».

With a somewhat mocking smile, he had told Kurapika: «The scarlet eyes are yours, but I don’t regret this barter at all. Many other people in this world possess other pairs of those eyes, but I haven’t met one who has a garment of that tribe yet; the crimson bulbs are rare and of great value, but what you’re giving me now is untraceable elsewhere. In this apparent fair exchange, you’re the one who is providing me the most exquisite thing! But now it’s done: this dress doesn’t belong to you anymore».

 

The scene disappeared in front of Kurapika, naked and chained in the dark, but the last sentence of that boss kept echoing in his head.

Another memory appeared, recalling the moment he was contemplating the scarlet eyes he had been able to recover while raising prayers for his deceased comrades.

Mizaistom Nana, a member of the Zodiac, had just asked him to collaborate for the Dark Continent’s expedition, and he had accepted the task because one of the stakeholders, the fourth prince of Kakin, had the last crimson eyes still left.

Kurapika’s thoughts about it spread in the environment where he was. It was like listening to a recording.

_“I threatened, persuaded and even paid some people.”_

_“I lost something every time I regained the eyes of a comrade.”_

_“My journey is about to start, but after that… where will I go?”_

_“There’s no place for me to come back and no one who’s waiting for me to return.”_

 

An energetic beam of light dazzled and dazed him. Suddenly, he heard several people’s chaotic voices; he didn’t grasp what they were discussing about, so he forced himself to open his eyes slowly.

What he saw caught him unprepared. He was in the middle of a big stage, still naked and chained. There was a man next to him, perhaps the presenter, who was holding a microphone and encouraging the audience.

«Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last _exemplar_ of Kurta still alive! He’s very young, he has androgynous features and a slender build! He seems to be in good health too, and we mustn’t forget his magnificent scarlet eyes. A very graceful look! Given his age, he can be _trained_ in different ways».

The men in tuxedos and the provocatively dressed women who were in that huge room kept shouting higher and higher sums of money in order to win what they were interested in. All their eyes were on Kurapika; they were devouring him with those glances full of greed, lust and madness.

They were selling him at an auction. Not being able to hold a deep aversion, his vision became bloody red; noticing that, the crowd threw a clamour of surprise.

Shame and anger blazed in him; he closed his eyes in awe and turned his head to his right. He wondered how he could have come to that point, how he could have fallen so low; while thinking of it, his eyes filled with tears.

There was no one he knew, no one who could save him. He remembered Gon, Killua and Leorio; he asked for their forgiveness many times, panicking for the humiliation he was undergoing.

He tried in vain to break free from the grasp of those darn chains, but the more he moved, the more they tangled around him, pinning him firmly to the back wall.

He suddenly felt a hand grabbing his chin and violently turning his face to the left. Kurapika immediately opened his eyes and met the intimidating expression of that man.

«You’re too restless for my taste», he began to say, «You can’t allow yourself to keep behaving like this: you may stir bad impressions. It’s better if you doze off a little».

He didn’t even have time to realize it that the other man’s hand had already pressed a dump cloth against his mouth and nose, so that he could inhale the narcotic drenched in it.

 

The fear Kurapika felt while trying to get rid of that grip was enough to wake him up. After yelling, he found himself sitting on the bed of his room shrouded in semi-darkness.

It took a while before he realized he had another nightmare. That anguished dream had been tormenting him for several nights, but _that night_ in particular seemed to have benefited it more than necessary; the feelings he had felt were too harsh and plausible.

His body and mind were affected by that experience: he was panting, trembling, sweating. Even his awareness of being in a safe place didn’t soothe him.

He touched his wet cheeks, realizing he had been crying in his sleep; he rubbed his eyes – now back to the original colour – with his grey pyjamas’ sleeves.

That room was asphyxiating him; he needed to take some air. He got out of his bed, trying to make little noise, and he headed to the French window of his room; he opened it and stepped out into the small balcony. It wasn’t cold outside, and the wind wasn’t fiery. He didn’t need to cover himself with a nightgown.

The young man contemplated the beauty of that night from the second floor of the building where he was staying. The sky was cloudless, and there was nobody in the street; the only light sources were the towering streetlights. He didn’t check the time, but it certainly was too early to get up, because the moon and the darkness were still reigning supreme.

He thought of the role he had agreed to cover: the rat of the Zodiac, the substitute of Pariston Hill, along with Leorio in the boar’s role.

Would he be able to accomplish that mission? Did he make the right decision? What would happen to him in that risky continent? Would he get what he was looking for? Would it be his latest adventure? What would be waiting for him after that? Where would he go?

Thousands of questions kept afflicting him, and none of his reflections was able to offer him a satisfactory answer. He had never felt so desolate.

 

The sound of some cautious steps brought him back to reality. Someone had set foot in his room and was approaching to the balcony where he was, but Kurapika didn’t turn his head and pretended to ignore it.

That person slammed the fifth finger of his foot against a corner; the restrained cry that came out together with a snort made Kurapika realize who he was.

After all, only someone like him could be so clumsy.

«Are you ok, Leorio?», he asked without turning.

After a few seconds, the other one asked: «How did you know it was me?»

«I guessed it», was the reply, «You don’t even try to be cautious. What if it was a real shadowing?»

«Stop scolding me! I just wanted to make sure you were ok», he admitted.

«Why?»

«Well… I heard you screaming from my room. I was worried, so I decided to check what was happening. I didn’t mean to bother you».

Kurapika remained quiet. The fact that Leorio heard him didn’t surprise him: in that building – temporarily inhabited by the Zodiac’s members – the two of them had their respective rooms next door, so Kurapika’s uneasiness couldn’t go unnoticed.

«Why aren’t you in bed? Something happened?», his friend asked again.

«I was hot», the Kurta snapped.

«So you start screaming when you’re hot! Interesting, I’ll pin it later».

«Leorio, I’m not in the mood for jokes right now».

«Why?»

«Go back to sleep. I’m fine, don’t you see?»

«I don’t. Besides, you haven’t turned to me yet. It’s not so kind of you».

«Leorio…»

Kurapika no longer knew what to say.

When it comes of pungent irony, Kurapika always exceeded his colleague; but when an ace like him was upset and lowered his guard, he could be defeated by the other one with a few simple words. However, when that happened, he didn’t take it as an affront; it was as if, through that method, Leorio wanted to tug at his heartstrings and explore his psyche to create a sort of empathy, to help him, to stay even spiritually by his side.

Kurapika wished that kind of contact, but struggled to admit it. Indulging in sentimentalisms and confessions was against his nature.

His thoughts vanished when he saw, out of the corner of his eyes, Leorio getting close to his right and resting his arms on the balcony’s railing.

«Woah, it’s nice out here!», he exclaimed.

«Yeah, I agree», Kurapika replied, looking in another direction.

«You know what? I don’t want to sleep anymore».

Kurapika snorted.

«Do you have something to tell me, Leorio?»

«I could ask you the same».

«I’d like to be left alone. _Please_ ».

Seeing his young friend bowing his head and tightening his fists, Leorio’s face became serious.

«Kurapika, I’m not kidding».

«Me neither».

«Why can’t you trust me? I see there’s something wrong. I want to help you!»

« _I do trust you_ , but you’d be very helpful if you thought of _your_ things».

«Well, I can’t! It’s impossible for me to let it pass when it comes to my…»

He stopped for a moment. He himself didn’t know how to end that statement.

«… to my best friend, and teammate», he finally ended, blushing.

 

They stayed a few seconds without saying anything, avoiding looking at each other. Kurapika didn’t have the strength to retort: trying to prevail against an even more stubborn person was useless. In addition, the statement of his companion had put him in a state of mild awe, and he couldn’t explain why.

He had realized since a long time that their relationship was no longer a customary friendship; but it was _Leorio_ , and he just couldn’t believe that a clumsy guy like him could have the ability to intimidate and confuse him to that point.

He sighed and closed his eyes; after all, he needed that guy, so gawky and benevolent at the same time. He couldn’t deny it.

«I dreamed of my tribe’s massacre», he began to say, trying to sound unruffled, «Actually, I’ve been dreaming of it for many nights».

Leorio didn’t reply, and waited for him to go on.

«I don’t exactly remember the circumstances I’ve witnessed, but the whole nightmare focused on… my past mistakes that I keep committing. There were so many people sermonising me, reminding me of my sins and demanding that I suffered the same».

He shuddered and clenched his teeth as he remembered the last part of the dream.

«I lost everything, Leorio», he confessed, «My family, my possessions, my dignity. I have nothing more, I don’t have anybody. I don’t even know why I’ve accepted this mission without thinking carefully about it first. I’m a dangerous person now, and my power is useless against those people. Maybe I did it out of desperation…»

Realizing he had spoken enough, he simply ended his speech with: «Despite my pain, I keep succumbing to the rest of the world. It’s funny, isn’t it?»

 

Leorio was amazed by that sudden confidence, and displeased for how Kurapika was feeling.

As time went by, he came to realize he was facing a young man consumed above all by his own melancholy. He couldn’t let it embrace him completely.

«Don’t you feel a bit better now?», he tried to ask.

«And what about you? Are you satisfied with it or do you have to fill me with other questions?», Kurapika taunted with a bit of disdain.

At that moment, Leorio lost his patience: he no longer tolerated that falsely detached attitude.

«When are you going to throw that arrogant mask of yours away? You’re not what you want the others to believe you are: I got it the first day we met».

Not receiving any answer, he snapped: «Turn around and look me in the eye! I hate who ignores me!»

His friend stood still.

«Kurapika!»

He grabbed his shoulders with both hands, heading them to his direction, forcing him to face him. When their eyes met, a shiver ran down Leorio’s spine.

The pride with which Kurapika was supporting his look contrasted with his outward appearance. His cheeks were wholly red, perhaps because of his anger or embarrassment; his teary eyes, typical of a person who had just shed tears and was ready to pour them again, made his emotions explicit to his friend.

Yet, despite the arrogance Leorio used to make him show his frailties, Kurapika didn’t do anything to prevent it from happening.

“Need of understanding” or “mere hubris to prove he wasn’t weak”? Whatever the answer was, Leorio couldn’t help but contemplate that figure so delicate and vulnerable, losing himself in the deep-green of his eyes that sometimes mingled with crimson hues. He thought of how much he cared about that boy, how happy he was to be with him, how much affection he wanted to give him, how much he loved him, how fool he was for not knowing how to express it.

«No one is perfect, Kurapika», he began to say, «We’ve all made mistakes, and we’ll surely make some in the future too. Now we’re seeing and perceiving our wrong choices’ consequences, but it’s okay. Failing is human! Life is also made of it!»

After closing his eyes for a moment and breathing deeply, he went on.

«You’re probably thinking that your faults are too burdensome to be ignored, and in fact I’m not telling you to forget about them». His gaze turned serious again. «You have to react, instead. You have to learn from them and not to dwell on what you can’t change anymore. Prove the others you’ve become a better person and _live in the present_!»

He approached his face to a surprised Kurapika.

«Everything you’ve done in the past won’t change my opinion about you. I thank you for existing and being here next to me now. You can’t imagine how much I missed you! I missed our bickering, our laughs, our sad and joyful moments… Heck, I missed all of you, even your know-it-all’s way of doing! Now I miss your smile. I want to see you smile just like when we met in Yorknew City. You know why? Well, it’s simple: I need you by my side as well as _you_ need _me_. I admit I can’t face this expedition alone, and you know very well you’re in the same condition. Therefore, I want to give you courage, and I’d like you to do the same for me. _Friends help each other_!»

Pronouncing the word “friends” and not being able to confess more explicit things was causing him a terrible pain; but, at least, he hoped those words to have a positive effect on Kurapika.

«And if you keep saying you have nobody, I’ll beat you down! Who am I to you? Who’s Gon? And Killua? Melody? What about all the others you’ve met and are close to you? Do you want me to believe we mean nothing to you? Or are you too stubborn to admit the contrary? Just know that, if you’re doing it to keep us from your problems, we’ll try nevertheless to break into your life and help you!»

He left the young man’s shoulders, putting a hand on his own chest.

«As for me, whenever you want to vent, cry or tell me something, I’ll always be there. Don’t feel alone».

He realized what had just come out of his mouth, and he couldn’t avoid blushing; he forced himself to shift his gaze to some buildings in the distance, unable to support Kurapika’s.

Anyhow, he was proud of having supposedly shaken him. He had been wanted to tell him those things for far too long; he hadn’t been able to hold back more than a certain limit.

 

Suddenly, his whirlwind of thoughts was struck down by a moderate but painstaking punch in the stomach.

Baffled for Kurapika’s blow, he took a step back and coughed a couple of times.

« _Hey_! What’s wrong with you!?», he snapped and looked at the fellow who was keeping his head down.

«Stop it. Just… just _stop it_ », he ordered, starting to tremble, « _Stop talking to me this way_!»

«Kurapika…»

« _Huh_ , d’you think you know everything about me? What can you teach me? What…?»

Tears started streaming down his flushed face.

«You idiot… you’re an _idiot…_ », the youngest man stammered, unable to restrain his broken voice. He turned his head away, biting his lower lip to try to calm down and rubbing his eyes with his hands, but that wasn’t enough to curb his outburst.

He couldn’t say a word: he kept shedding tears in front of his friend, without being able to hold them back.

He felt so bad: Leorio’s speech had floored him, awakening a deep sadness and emotion at the same time. He didn’t know if he had to be grateful for this, but he recognized he needed that stimulus.

Suddenly, he felt a hand of Leorio caressing his head and directing it to his chest. Immediately after, Leorio’s other arm surrounded his trembling body, hugging him.

He could no longer suppress it: he let go in a desperate cry, grabbing and rubbing his friend’s shirt.

«I’m so weak…», he murmured.

He needed to be wrapped, comforted, protected by those reassuring arms more than anything else; to sink his face into someone’s chest and cry as long as he wished without giving too many explanations or apologizing afterwards.

Only Leorio could give him that assurance; he felt loved by him, _strikingly loved_. He didn’t have to be overawed in front of him anymore; he understood he needed this. He realized he could do it with him.

Hiding something was useless: Leorio knew him so damn well. He was a cosy home where Kurapika could take refuge every single time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Many minutes passed, maybe almost an hour; it was supposed to be 3 a.m. Darkness was still reigning supreme. Some groups of boys, probably out of somewhere disco, passed through the streets nearby the building, shambling and sleepy.

Meanwhile, Kurapika and Leorio were admiring the marvellous starry sky of that night, side to side, with peaceful faces.

«I’ve never asked for clarifications about your religion. Do you… do you believe in guardian angels?», Leorio asked.

«I believe in defunct people’s souls. I think of them as curious or unsatisfied spirits that wander around this planet and seek for a personal sin to expiate or a revenge to accomplish before resting in peace once and for all. I don’t lie when I often say I can still hear my comrades’ cries and feel their anger», Kurapika replied.

«So you have faith in these entities, in your own way… Hmm, don’t you think they can also protect you? I mean, think about all the things you’ve faced so far. In my opinion, if you made it until now, it’s thanks to them too!»

Heard that exclamation, Kurapika turned to watch him.

«A man can never be alone, because his loved ones’ souls will always follow him wherever he goes, and they’ll guard him in every situation», Leorio went on, «This can also be applied to you and me; just look at the stars».

Kurapika followed Leorio’s finger pointing to the sky.

«The brightest ones are your companions and your parents. They’re fine up there, and they watch over everything you do. Of course, they also see your bad actions, but remember you belong to that great family, and they will never come to hate you», he concluded.

 

After staring for a moment at that sky so clear, Kurapika lowered his head again and let out a slight chuckle.

«Did I say something stupid?», Leorio asked.

«Not at all», the other one replied, «I didn’t know you had such a sensitive side».

« _Huh_? W-What are you saying? It’s not a consideration of mine: many people believe in these things and they managed to influence me», he explained, trying to sound convincing, «I said it to lighten your mood too».

«Anyway… thank you, Leorio, for everything you said and for what you’ve done for me so far. I owe you a debt of gratitude», Kurapika said with a smile.

His companion couldn’t bear that harmonious and – in his opinion – angelic expression that boy was giving him; so he looked away, embarrassed.

«D-Don’t even mention it! You know that helping you always makes me happy. I’ll never feel obliged».

Then, finding some courage again, he confessed: «You’re speaking about my sensitivity, but I’m quite surprised about yours too. I’d have never thought that such a cold and independent guy like you could conceal such affection and tenderness».

«Well, I’m human», Kurapika reminded him, looking away.

«I know, but all our colleagues know is your fearless side. I could tell them what happened», he began to tease him.

«I’d cut off your tongue before you could do that», the youngest one quickly denied, glancing warily at him.

«I can write: I have my hands».

«I’d deprive you of those too».

«Then I’d use a computer and write the story with my toes».

Kurapika looked at him strangely.

Leorio giggled. «I’m kidding! Did you really believe me?»

After some minutes, Kurapika said: «I need to sleep now. I’m going to bed».

«Oh… really?», the other one asked with a mixture of amazement and sorrow. When he was with him, it was as if time never passed. His drowsiness had vanished: if Kurapika had wanted, he would have stayed in the balcony with him until the following morning.

«Yes», was the answer, «I suggest you to do the same. Tomorrow we’ll have to arrange about the trip».

«You’re right».

After a moment of silence, Leorio found the audacity to ask: «Are you sure you’ll be able to close your eyes? Aren’t you afraid to have that nightmare again?»

«It’s not a good reason for me to spend a sleepless rest of the night», Kurapika insisted.

«Of course not! I was just wondering if you really felt at ease and ready to face it… uhm, _alone_ », he pointed out.

«I think yes. Why?»

«Well…», he began to say, nervously scratching his neck, «… if you’re still a bit shaken and you consider this proposal _feasible_ , you… you can sleep with me. There’s, _err_ , enough room for two people in my bed».

 

Kurapika froze. He stared in disbelief at the one who said that sentence.

Deep in his heart, he was expecting such an invitation from him, but he was equally sure that, before getting to the point, his friend would have made inexhaustible roundabout expressions.

On the contrary, it didn’t happen like that, and Leorio’s apparent security blew his mind.

Was he, perhaps, convinced that he would have accepted it just to make him happy? Or did he know that, after all, they both wanted it?

Kurapika couldn’t deny the concern that the memory of that unpleasant dream was still causing him, but he didn’t want to pander his colleague too much because of the high level of intimacy it could achieve.

 

«All right».

Kurapika’s mouth had just spoken the exact opposite. His heart had betrayed him and he couldn’t go back. For the first time, what he said didn’t correspond to a decision dictated by his intellect, which had escaped his control. He tried to disguise his startled expression.

His anxiety ceased when he looked at the joyful face of his friend and began to think that _maybe_ it wasn’t a bad choice.

«I’m so happy!», the other one exclaimed with enthusiasm.

« _But_ …», the Kurta began to point out, «… you have to abide by some rules».

«What would they be?»

«I usually am a light sleeper, and anything can disturb me. I would therefore like if you didn’t move too much, if you didn’t snore, if you didn’t appropriate of my blankets and if you didn’t invade my half of the bed», he declared.

«Wha-- I _can’t_ look after my body while I’m sleeping! How can I, for example, be sure that I won’t snore?», Leorio protested puzzled.

«That’s simple: if you snore, I’ll throw you a pillow», the other one explained.

«Or will you punch me like you did when we were in that island’s hotel?»

Feeling teased and remembering that embarrassing moment, Kurapika lifted a fist.

«You’re tempting me», he intimated.

«I beg your pardon~».

«Come on, let’s go back inside: I’m really tired».

 

  

* * *

 

 

It was impossible for Leorio to fall into Morpheus’s arms; he was staring at the ceiling with his eyes wide open.

He was wondering why it was so hard for him to fall asleep, and he didn’t understand which of the countless reasons was the most sincere.

No need to rest? Was it the fear of making too much noise? Or was it just Kurapika’s presence beside him that was destabilizing him?

Having the one he loved so close, relaxed and helpless, seemed to him like a dream; he struggled to believe that innocent-looking boy had killed people and committed wrongdoings.

He slowly turned to his left to admire that person whose body and face were facing him.

He was sleeping blissfully. His breath was mild, and he was holding with the fingers of his right hand a blanket flap, wrapped up to his neck.

Kurapika hated being uncovered, as opposed to Leorio, who could almost always do without the quilt even in winter.

One thing that, however, surprised the eldest one was the speed with which he had fallen asleep.

_“He must have been exhausted”_ , he thought.

Contrary to what he believed, it was as if Kurapika was feeling confident, protected by Leorio’s presence. And Leorio was pleased with that.

_“Wasn’t he a light sleeper?”_ , he reflected amused, _“Not even a bomb could wake him up now”_.

 

He let out a soft sigh, wondering when he would be able to tell him his feelings. He wanted to do it when he had cuddled his companion in tears, but the fear of upsetting him had taken over. For Kurapika, that was a moment of deep hesitation – he knew it well –, but seeing him so disconsolate and hearing him whining in his arms made a living desire grow up inside of Leorio; a desire to confess him all the things he was keeping concealed in his heart, to press his lips against his, savouring every inch of them, to sink his fingers through his hair, to graze his skin and become one with him.

But he couldn’t; not yet.

Without even noticing, he had stretched out his hand to the boy he was contemplating, and he brushed a lock of his hair from his face; in doing so, he caressed his forehead and left cheek.

He was surprised to see that thing didn’t bother Kurapika; so, risking another attempt, he pointed the tip of his thumb to his parted lips.

 

Before he could touch them, a «Don’t you dare» escaped from Kurapika.

Leorio stiffened and removed his hand from his face after a couple of seconds.

«A-Are you awake?», he asked a bit fearful.

He didn’t get an answer. His friend kept sleeping.

When Kurapika had uttered that sentence, his eyes didn’t open, and his voice was weak; so Leorio started to believe – and hope – he had talked in his sleep.

He finally followed Kurapika’s example and tried to fall asleep. They would have certainly had a lot of business to attend to, starting from the next day; so he had to be as awake and energetic as possible to face those days better.

There was time to clear things up.

 

None of them was sure to return safe and sound from the Dark Continent; that could be the last journey of their lives, their last adventure together.

They both were, however, determined to dedicate themselves to that mission. They didn’t fear anything.

As much as they could hide it, the two of them had lacked some moral support before their meeting.

They had always been looking for someone to fight for, someone who’d make their hard life worth living, someone who could complete them.

And that someone now had a name.

**Author's Note:**

> This first Leopika ff of mine helped me overcome a writer’s block that lasted two years. I owe everything to these two characters.  
> Its title, Humanity, holds what Kurapika needs more than anything: rediscovering his old nature and his frailties. “Failing is human”, as Leorio said; it’s necessary to keep fighting alongside who you love.  
> Judging by how Togashi outlined Kurapika’s father, I don’t think he was a strict person; however, we know he was against his son’s choices. In the nightmare, I decided to make him stern because he represents how Kurapika probably conceives his father’s anger now.  
> Moreover, I inserted a personal headcanon: Kurapika has traded his original clothes for a pair of scarlet eyes. Maybe it’s not true, maybe he’s just freshen up his wardrobe because of his position inside the Mafia; but I also like to think about it as an intimate obligation that proves his change.  
> “On my own”, an Ashes Remain’s song, inspired me to write the prologue and the ff; it reflects Kurapika’s state of mind.  
> Thank you for reading! Please, let me know if you liked it! If you want to follow me elsewhere, you can find my other personal accounts in my Bio, such as Tumblr or Twitter; especially the Italian ffs website’s account of mine in which I posted Humanity in 2015, as well as all the other ffs I’m going to translate later.  
> Alyss


End file.
